Forge: It's Always Bloody Forge
by Tergon
Summary: Forge is up to his usual tricks, producing some rather unusual results.
1. Chapter 1

Written in response to _Meredith's Power Exchange Challenge_ of March-April 2006.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fanfic. Technically, if I were making a profit from writing this, it wouldn't be Fanfic. Because then I'd be a writer for Marvel. As it is, they won't respond to my letters, so all standard disclaimers apply here. 

--------------------------

His tongue clamped firmly between his teeth, his eyes squinted in concentration, his fingers tightly gripping the needlenose pliers and screwdriver, the young man worked diligently on the almost-completed device. Insofar as it looked like anything else, it resembled a microwave with several antennae; and every couple of minutes it beeped cheerfully as though it was trying to converse with him.  
Tightening the final screw, Forge sighed and leaned back in his chair.  
"I think it's ready."

At the back of his workbench, a large piebald hamster blinked curiously at him. Forge grinned back.  
"Seriously. I mean, this wasn't easy, it took ages to get the nanobots in position. But I'm almost positive it's going to work. You'll see."  
The hamster's nose twitched.  
"Einstein, you could be a little more enthusiastic here."  
Einstein scurried over to his food bowl, stuffed half a raisin into his cheek pouch, scurried back onto his wheel, and started running. Forge nodded approvingly.  
"That's more like it. Trust me, this is gonna make things a whole lot easier around here."  
Einstein may have looked rather nonplussed to the untrained eye, but evidently Forge was satisfied with his workroom assistant's response, and he pushed a large button on the front of the device.

----

Lance shut the fridge door, chewing on the last slice of leftover pizza from the night before. Two pizzas had been delivered to their doorstep, the delivery boy had said something about it going on the Preese account, Pietro and Todd hadn't argued, and they'd had free dinner. Everyone was happy.  
Taking another bite from his cold pizza, Lance raised an eyebrow. He didn't remember it tasting this good last night, this... intense.  
God, he loved breakfast.  
Behind him, Todd finished his coffee and grimaced. "Stuff's awful, yo. We got anything else to eat?"  
Lance shook his head. "We're cleaned out for the day. I'm going shopping tonight."  
"Man, I'm starved..."  
"So eat a bug. We got nothing else."  
"Yeah, yeah. C'mon, if I'm late f'r class again I'm gonna get flunked."  
"Alright. Let's go."

Tossing his mug into the sink, Todd hopped to his feet - and promptly overbalanced and fell flat on his backside, knocking his chair away with a grunt. Applause came from the doorway.  
"Smooth moves, Toad," Tabitha called. "Gonna do some somersaults next?"  
Todd glowered at her. "Shut it. I slipped."  
"Sure you did."  
Lance stepped toward the door. "Enough. If you want a ride, I'm leaving now."  
"We gotta ride with her, yo?"  
Tabitha winked at him. "Watch it, Froggy. I'll bomb ya."  
"An' I'll slime yo' ass to the roof."  
Lance shook his head and walked to the door.

Outside, Fred was waiting patiently by the jeep; as Lance stepped outside, the massive youth turned to look at him.  
"Was wonderin' where you were."  
Unlocking the jeep, Lance slid in. "Didn't know you were so eager to get to school, big guy."  
"We're late, aren't we?"  
Alarmed, Lance looked at the clock. Then he blinked. "No."  
"...oh." Fred frowned. "But you guys were takin' so long in there..."  
"Didn't seem any slower than usual to me, big guy. Maybe you're just energetic today."  
"C'n I have some 'o that, yo?" Todd opened the passenger seat and climbed in shotgun, rather than leaping in as he usually did. "I'm feelin' shredded this mornin'. Hungry as hell an' no energy."  
"If you're sick, you better not infect the rest of us," Tabitha threatened. "I'll bomb you into next century if you give me the 'flu."  
"Cool it, yo. I don't feel sick. Just... weird."  
"If you say so, Froggy."  
"Are we gonna wait fer Pie?" Fred wanted to know. Lance shook his head and gunned the engine.  
"If he's coming to school, he can run there faster than I can drive it. It's his problem."  
"Okay."

They drove away.

----

Ten minutes later, Pietro buckled his belt, grabbed his backpack, and opened the door. A brief look of concentration crossed his face, and he ran forward three or four steps.  
Then a half-dozen glowing balls materialised in the air around him.  
For a brief instant, utter astonishment appeared on his face. Then it changed to fear. Turning, he tried to bolt back into the house - and more of the glowing orbs appeared. He stepped on one, tripped, fell flat on his face on the porch...  
And was hurled back through the still-open door by the explosion.  
The door swung neatly shut after him.

Two minutes later, the little old lady across the street would open her door to see what the noise had been, assume it had been a car backfiring, and go back into her house.  
Five minutes following this, the neighbors would wonder why smoke was wafting down the street. They would conclude that someone had lit a leaf-fire in the backyard, lodge a complaint with the local council, and forget about it.  
Some thirty minutes after that, Pietro would wake up and wonder what had just happened. He would conclude that the universe was conspiring against him, decide not to go out for the rest of the day, and proceed to blow himself up another three times within ten minutes.

But for now, the street was very silent, and Pietro lay upside-down against the wall in the den, dead to the world.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't exactly unusual for the residents of the Bayville Boarding House to cause chaos within the halls of Bayville High. There were more than a few teachers who would've vehemently claimed that it was commonplace.  
What was unusual was for the group of individuals in question to be genuinely bewildered by the same chaos that they were causing.  
Todd Tolensky was usually in trouble for throwing spitballs and, if some of the louder-screaming valleygirls were to be believed, eating flies. Lance Alvers could be blamed for harassment of weaker students from whom lunch money could be easily garnered. Pietro Maximoff was generally responsible for any and all forms of sexual harassment. Tabitha Smith raised all kinds of hell, particularly those that involved small explosive devices in bags and lockers. And though Fred Dukes rarely took an active hand in such foolery, by no means did he discourage the others from doing so.  
It was some small mercy to the school that Pietro was absent on this particular morning; but nonetheless, it was memoriable in its own way.

----

Lance sighed and leaned back in his chair, pen grasped loosely in one hand. Mr. Walsh was blathering on about European Socialism. Lance didn't care. He wasn't European, he wasn't planning on becoming European, so who gave a shit? They could be Fascist Capitalist Anarchists for all he cared, and it still wouldn't change the fact that he needed sleep(1). He wouldn't have even taken the class if not for the fact that he needed it to avoid flunking.  
Well, that and the fact that Kitty was in this class.  
He sighed with relief as the bell rang, marking the end of the first period; immediately those around him began to close their books and rise from their seats. As Mr. Walsh headed for the door, mumbling something about homework, he closed his textbook, picked it up and turned to -  
His pen was still in his hand.  
Lance blinked at the pen. It was stuck to the palm of his hand as though with glue, despite the fact that he was exerting no effort whatsoever to hold it there. He shook his hand slightly and the pen stayed there.  
"What the fuck?" he muttered. Putting his book back down, he grabbed the pen with his other hand, pulled it off - and it came off easily. No problem at all.  
Except that now it was stuck to his other hand.  
Again, he shook the pen, trying to dislodge it, but it stayed firmly where it was, unmoving. Suddenly, interrupting his struggle with the offending writing implement, thought that Todd or Pietro was playing a prank popped into his mind. Growling, he rose from his seat and brushed at the offending pen.  
Next to him, Kitty blinked. "Lance? Uh, what are you doing?"  
He held up his hand and the pen in question. "Some wiseass gave me a trick pen."  
She pouted sympathetically. "Aaw. Is it glued on or something?"  
"I think so."  
Kitty paused for a moment, thinking; then she tore a sheet of blank paper out of the back of her book and grabbed his wrist. "Here, hold on a moment..."  
Her hand protected by the sheet of paper, she grabbed the pen in his hand and tugged.  
It remained stuck.  
Frowning, Kitty grabbed his wrist in her other hand and yanked at the pen. It remained stuck. She blinked. "Lance, what the hell is wrong with this thing?"  
"I'm betting Pietro had something to do with it. Or Todd."  
"Like, ew. I am not getting involved in this if either of them..." her voice trailed off. "Lance?"  
"What?"  
"My hand is stuck."  
Withdrawing her hand left the sheet of paper plastered over Lance's hand; her other hand was stuck firmly to his wrist. He pulled his wrist back, jerking her arm with it.  
"Ow! Careful!"  
"Son of a..." stepping back, Lance tripped over his chair. With a bellow, he fell over backwards, his feet jerking up; Kitty only managed to not be pulled back with him by phasing through his hand. As it was, she still stood there in shock as he spectacularly fell onto his ass, feet lashing out. One foot connected with his desk, which soared spectacularly into the air, grazed the ceiling, and crashed down in the centre of the thankfully empty room.

There was a moment of dead silence as they both stared at the effect of Lance's single, glancing, accidental kick. Then they looked at each other.  
"What the hell was that?" Kitty asked.  
Lance blinked and looked stupidly down at his hands. "My pen fell off," he answered her. "That's good, right?"  
"I think so." Kitty stared at the desk. "That was one hell of a kick."  
"Yeah."  
"Lance, is this normal?"  
Staggering to his feet, he shook his head. "Normal for you or me, or normal for a prank from one of those two jerkwads?"  
"Ew." She shuddered. "Like, I am so happy I don't have to live with those two. Even Kurt knows better than to pull something like this in school."  
"Trust me." Lance glared down at the offensive pen, lying on the floor. "By the time I'm done with 'em, they'll know better too."  
Nodding, Kitty wrapped her arms around her books and stepped back. "Um, maybe you should pick that desk up? I, like, gotta get to Math..."  
"Yeah, sure." Lance waved a hand at her. "Catch you later, Pretty-Kitty."

----

It was a part of the day that Todd loathed. Not that any part of the day was particularly interesting for him, except for maybe his graphic design classes. But they didn't count because the Art teacher made Mystique look downright motherly in comparison.  
No, this was an even worse part of the day - walking from one class to the next, right after second period. And what made it worse was that it was at these times that he was vulnerable to attacks from the idiots of Bayville High.  
"Tolensky!"  
Case in point.

Turning, Todd saw Duncan Matthews and his loyal ass-rimmers, Greg and Simon. Dressed as ever in football jackets and jeans, they were advancing on him with a decidedly predatory look about them. For an instant Todd considered trying to walk away, but it was pointless. He was in a crowded hall with nowhere to run. Then he considered putting a gob of slime across Duncan's face and laughing as the jock suffocated to death, but he wasn't in the mood to be lynched by an angry mob today.  
This was followed by the realisation that this was pretty much what was going to happen anyway, so he dealt with it in his usual manner - resignation.  
"Whaddya want, Matthews?"  
Duncan smirked. "Whoa, Tolensky. I could've sworn you didn't look happy to see me there."  
"Imagine that. What is it, yo?"  
"Well, you see..." Duncan shrugged. "I forgot my lunch money today."  
"Huh."  
"Yeah. And these guys forgot theirs too." At their cue, Greg and Simon looked suitably contrite; Duncan gave a nasty little grin. "So we were thinkin' that our good buddy Tolensky would be sure to lend us his to tide us through the day. Whaddya say, Tolensky?"  
"Wastin' yer time, dawg."  
Instantly Duncan stepped forward, standing over Todd. "Did you just refuse?"  
Todd rolled his eyes. "I ain't even got lunch money or lunch. Even if I wanted to fork over summat, I ain't got nuthin'."  
Greg narrowed his eyes. "So go get it. You're supposed to be some fucking great purse snatcher or something, ain'tcha? I bet you got a shitload of money you ain't sharing with us."  
"I got nuthin'. You want money, go rob someone else, yo? I feel like shit."  
Simon sneered at him. "Well that's good, Tolensky, 'cause you look like shit, and you smell like shit. So feelin' like shit just makes it perfect."  
"Besides," Duncan reasoned. "We don't steal. That's what scrawny little pricks like you do. So we're askin' for you to give us some money, as a gift. That's reasonable, right?"  
"Look, I gotta get going-"  
Duncan slugged him in the shoulder.  
Todd winced as he saw the blow coming. Usually this kind of impact would knock him against the lockers, he'd bang his head, his arm would be numb for ten minutes. And, yeah, he could've dodged it or blocked it, but Mystique had been very clear on this one - he wasn't supposed to know how to fight unless it was on Hood business. So all he could do was brace himself for the pain.  
Which never came.

Both Todd and Duncan blinked in surprise as Duncan's fist bounced off Todd's shoulder with no visible effect. Todd felt the force of the blow rock him back a step, and he still cringed out of the expectation of pain - but that was all. No actual pain, no real feeling of being hit.  
Of course this only served to make Duncan angry. Eyes narrowing, he grabbed Todd by the collar and pushed him against the wall. "You fucking holding out on me, Tolensky?"  
Too surprised to be scared, Todd blinked. "Nope."  
"You better not be."  
Pulling Todd back slightly, he slammed him against the wall again, harder. Todd once more failed to react; Duncan swung back one leg and kicked him in the knee. With his boots, it should have dropped Todd to the floor with a bruise that would last a week; instead it was Duncan who hissed in pain and stepped back, his foot feeling like he'd just kicked a block of granite. Glaring furiously, he bunched one hand into a fist and slammed it into Todd's stomach before stepping back.  
Todd had time to wonder why he wasn't gasping for breath and clutching his wounded leg before he saw Simon's fist rushing toward his face.

Everyone in the hall stopped at the sound of a cry of pain which almost - but not entirely - covered the brittle **snap** of a breaking bone. As one, they turned to see what had happened.  
What they saw stunned everyone. Todd Tolensky, standing with his back to the lockers, surrounded by Duncan and his cronies - one of whom was holding a very obviously broken hand and dancing in pain as drops of blood dripped onto the floor.  
"Fuck!" Simon roared. "Fuckitty fuckitty fuck! You little shit!"  
Greg stared. "Dude, what the fuck just happened?"  
"The little shit moved his head and I hit the lockers!"  
_But you didn't_, Todd thought wildly. _You hit me square in the fuckin' face. I oughta have my brains leakin' out my ears right now. Instead it don't even hurt and you got a broken hand._  
"Is that so, Simon?" came a voice from behind them. Duncan and company froze, then turned to look at the coldly angry face of Principal Kelly. Everyone stood very still for a moment before Kelly shook his head and took Simon's good arm in one hand.  
"Well, then," he said. "I'm sure you'd be happy to tell me the details of what happened - as well as what inspired you to attempt to attack a younger student in the first place - while we visit the nurse, hmm?"  
The jocks opened their mouths to protest; a look from Kelly silenced them. Evidently there was going to be no favouritism today from the principal.  
"Mr. Tolensky," Kelly said. "Aren't you expected in history now?"  
Not trusting his voice, Todd nodded and raced off down the hall, pushing his way through the still-stunned spectators.  
He wasn't hurt. Not even a little bit.  
_What the fuck is goin' on?_

----

It was during the start of the fourth period that the earthquake happened.  
As seismic activity in Bayville went, it was fairly unspectacular; no more than a minor tremor that quickly died down. A few people raised their heads, laughed a bit, and went about their business. In fact, only one person seemed seriously upset by the tremor.

"Fucking Lance," Tabitha muttered. "Always spoiling the mood."  
"Huh?"  
Sighing, Tabitha did her pants back up and stepped out of the chemistry closet. Her confused-looking partner came out after her, rearranging his own clothing. "What is it? Did the quake spook your or something?"  
"Something like that." Tabitha straightened up her hair and sighed. "Sorry, honey. Gonna have to take a raincheck."  
"What? How come?"  
"I just remembered I gotta be somewhere."  
"Huh? What, the earthquake reminded you that?"  
Tabitha snorted. "Sweetie, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."  
Blowing the unfortunate boy a kiss, she sashayed out of the Chem lab and into the hall.

As soon as she did, her expression changed from pouty sex-toy to angry bitch. She'd just been getting into things and Lance went and distracted her. The poor guy - she thought his name was Roger, but she wasn't sure - had been following her around with his tongue hanging out for days. And since she had nothing better to do, she'd obliged.  
And then Lance triggers off a quake and spoils the mood.  
It wasn't like she had this sort of trouble controlling her own powers. Sure, Lance claimed that his were extremely sensitive to his mood, which was his explanation for being such a grump all the time. But she was fairly sure that was a load of crap. In his position, she'd do better, she was sure of it.  
Even so, Mudslide had managed to get pretty decent control over the past couple of months. So if he was firing up, it probably meant something bad was happening, and she had to go check it out.

Oh, and kick him in the balls for ruining a perfectly good quickie. Also that.

----

On the other side of the school, as the tremor hit, Fred was sitting under a tree and sighing. He always had this hour free on Friday mornings, and he usually took the opportunity to stock up on energy. If he didn't, he got weighted down by his bulk - one of the more unpleasant side-effects of his powers - and nearly went into a coma(2). Since he didn't appreciate people making jokes about someone his size passing out from hunger, he tried to keep his energy levels up.  
To this end, he had a small fund that he always kept stocked up. Despite his mind not being the quickest around, he was pragmatic and logical, and surprisingly frugal to boot. This, combined with the fact that nobody in his right mind would try to steal from someone of Fred's size, anger, and fearsome reputation, left him with sufficient money to keep going when he needed it.

But now, looking down at the five Mars Bar wrappers on the ground next to him, he felt... odd. Almost too full, like he hadn't needed to eat them. Which was ridiculous, because he knew the way his body worked, and this was a part of his routine that he was always comfortable with.  
Still, having eaten them, he felt like it hadn't been necessary. And now the extra sugar was making him twitchy and restless, which was such an alien sensation that he started to wonder what was wrong with him.  
These thoughts stopped when he saw the sun glinting off the windshield of a car. Not a bad car, though not as nice as Lance's jeep. He liked that jeep, it could hold his weight just fine. And he guessed that he liked Lance, too, though the older boy really needed to unwind once in a while and just be a kid. Not that he'd ever tell that to Lance, even though Tabitha told him that a lot. But Tabitha was nice too, in her own way. She treated most guys like idiots and flirted with them, but not Freddy. He guessed that maybe he shoulda been insulted that she didn't flirt with him, but the payoff was that she actually talked to him, like he was the only guy she thought it was worth the effort to be friends with. Well, except the Fuzzbutt. But that was just weird, 'cause the Fuzzbutt was a freak. Todd and Lance hated the Fuzzbutt especially. And Freddy liked Todd, and he liked Lance too, because Lance had a nice jeep -  
_Whoa_, he told himself, cutting off his line of thoughts. _Calm down there. You're soundin' like Pie-Pie. He's always goin' on like he's got a bad case of ADD, Pie-Pie is. Heh, Pie. I like pie. Tasty. But I dunno if I want a pie now, 'cause I'm not that hungry, which is weird 'cause I'm always hungry. But after the candy I dunno if I wanna eat more. I'm feelin' too energetic, like I gotta burn it off or somethin'. Maybe I oughta crush somethin'..._  
Then he saw the basketball, rolling out from under a bush in response to the tremor.

Freddy didn't like basketball. Sure, he was big and tall, and if he blocked someone with the ball there was no way they were getting around him. But he was too big, and he didn't like running around playing sports all that much, and the other guys on the team made fun of him, which he hated. So he didn't like basketball.  
But now, looking at that basketball, rolling across the court, he was almost hypnotised.  
There was nobody around to make fun of him. If he was slow, nobody was going to laugh at him. He could do whatever he wanted. He had all the time in the world, and he wanted to do something...  
He was standing on the courts holding the basketball before he really knew what was happening. For a second he blinked, wondering how he'd gotten there so quick, and then decided it didn't matter.  
He could worry about stupid things like that later. At the moment, Freddy wanted to play basketball. He wanted to play basketball now.

Giggling a little, he lined up the hoop and took his first shot.

----

Covered by a blanked, lying on the couch, curled into the fetal position, Pietro trembled.

His clothes were burned. His hair was singed. His skin was reddened in some places, blackened by soot in others. Various parts of the Boarding House looked like crater impacts had occurred.

He was very scared. Tabitha had left bombs everywhere.

Dad hadn't answered his cellphone, Wanda was out of town, and he couldn't exactly call up school and demand that Tabs come home so he could yell at her. And every time he thought about running to school and catching her, more of the damn things appeared and blew the crap out of him.

So he just lay on the couch, trembling, hoping to God that someone would come home soon and take care of him.

He was very, very scared.

----

(1) Loosely quoted from _Ferris Bueller's Day Off_.  
(2) A quite logical explanation for Fred's appetite inspired by the Nutter-Foxglove (NutGlove?) fic, _Misfits_.


	3. Chapter 3

As the bell rang, signaling the end of class, Todd gathered his books together and joined the press of bodies making their way out the door. He was still confused as to what had happened earlier, and he'd been unable to concentrate on the lessons as a result. Being punched in the face had somehow hurt his attacker more than him; he had no idea why. What he really needed was the chance to test this out, see if it would happen if -  
Someone punched him in the chest.  
Before even looking at who had done it, Todd closed his eyes for a moment. No, it hadn't hurt at all.  
"Awesome," he said, and opened his eyes.  
Lance stared back at him with a combination of confusion and irritation. "Dude," he said, "I didn't hit you that hard, but since when do you think being punched is awesome?"  
Shrugging, Todd turned and headed down the hall. "Kinda a weird story, yo. I had me the one o' the strangest fuckin' mornin's o' my life."  
"Did it involve putting any gags in with my stuff?"  
"Huh?"  
"The trick pen, dumbass."  
"Maybe you didn't hear me, yo. I said 'huh'."  
"No idea what I'm talking about?"  
"Nope."  
Lance nodded. "Pie-Pie. It's always freaking Pie-Pie."  
Todd looked at him sympathetically. "Speedy been prankin', has he?"  
"Yeah. Fooling around with a pen so it got stuck to my hand."  
"Damn."  
"Hmm..." Lance looked speculative. "You said you've been having a weird day. Think Pie coulda caused it?"  
"I dunno if even he could come up with the weird shit's been happenin' to me."  
They arrived at Lance's locker; the older boy spun in his combination and opened the door. "Enlighten me."  
Todd opened his mouth, then paused. "Uh..."  
"What?"  
"I think I'm 'a be interrupted"  
Lance blinked in confusion, shut his locker door - and was smacked across the face by Tabitha, who'd been waiting patiently on the other side of it.

"Jesus!"  
Recoiling back, Lance pressed one hand to the freshly-created welt on his cheek and glared at the blonde girl. "What the fuck was that for?"  
Tabitha glared at him. "Firing up like that and screwing up my spare time."  
"What?"  
"Fourth period. You set of a tremor. I start running around to see if you're okay, you get me all worried..." she tapped one foot impatiently. "...and it turns out you're firing blanks. What gives, mudslide?"  
"Tabby, I have no idea what you're talking about."  
"So you're denying it?"  
"She's right, yo," Todd put in. "Right at the start of fourth. Thought yo' musta had somethin' happen, but it died down so quick I figured it weren't a problem."  
"I didn't," Lance defended himself. "I swear to God. I mean, yeah, there was a tremor, but I can't cause all of 'em. It wasn't me."  
"Whatever." Tabitha snorted and led the way down the hall. "This has just been one supremely fucked-up day."  
"Amen," Lance and Todd said in unison. After a moment Todd looked around.  
"Hey, where's Freddy?"  
Lance looked around. "Huh. Big guy probably didn't hear the bell. I bet he's sitting out by his tree."  
"He's got Chemistry now, right?" Tabitha asked. Todd nodded.  
"Same as me, yo. Better go find 'im."

----

At first, they stared. There was really nothing else to do.  
It was some small mercy that somehow nobody had come out to see the spectacle before them. If they had, the grand 'secret' about mutants would have been out pretty damn fast. Anyone could have worked it out.  
It just wasn't natural for someone that big to move that fast.  
The basketball was rebounding off the ground at an incredible pace, the repeated dribbling impacts on the court surface sounding like a drumroll. This speed evidently wasn't fazing Fred; he raced up and down the basketball court at the speed of an Olympic sprinter, popping the ball through one hoop and then the other. He was giggling a little and cheering himself on as he did so.  
"Jesus titty-fucking Christ on a pogo stick," said Lance.  
"With bunny ears on," Tabitha agreed.  
Todd, just as stunned as either of them, managed to sum it up in a single word: "Damn."

At the sound of their voices, Fred turned, and his broad face burst into a thousand-watt smile.  
"Hey!" he called excitedly. "You guys wanna shoot some hoops? I ain't usually a fan o' this, but I was kinda bored and feelin' real energetic-like so I thought it'd be fun. I been gettin' heaps of hoops. You wanna play?"  
Lance raised his hands to slow the big boy down. "Fred, I-"  
Fred threw the basketball at him. It smacked squarely into Lance's face, rebounded off his nose, and shot into the air. Lance's head jerked back, his entire body jolted at the impact, and he fell spectacularly ass-backwards onto the ground.  
Fred's face fell.  
Even as Lance's head was thumping on the ground as he finished his magnificent fall, Fred was racing forward; the stars hadn't cleared from Lance's vision before Fred's enormous head appeared above his and blocked out the sun.  
"Oh Jesus, are you okay?" Fred's face was the picture of alarm. "I didn't mean it, I swear, I thought you were gonna play. Aw shit, are you hurt? Maybe I better go get a Nurse. I guess I better. You sit still, I'm gonna be right back. Should I get you some water? You want water? I bet you do. I guess I better get you some water. I -"  
"Freddy." Lance sat up and rubbed the side of his face. "Shut up."  
"Okie."  
Looking around at Todd and Tabitha, who were trying not to laugh too loudly, Lance scowled. "This," he announced, "has been the most severely fucked-up day I've had a long time. And with you morons that's saying something."

Helping his friend up, Todd looked thoughtful. "It's kinda weird," he said slowly. "I been feelin' strange since breakfast. An' Freddy's been actin' weird since then too. And this day been seriously fucked-up, yo."  
"I feel fine," Tabitha said.  
"I feel great," Fred enthused, then remembered he was supposed to be shutting up and put his hands across his mouth.  
Lance shook his head. "Todd's right. Something funny's going on. You feel weird, I feel weird, Freddy's acting weird however he feels... Iunno, Tabs. Maybe whatever's going on didn't happen to you?"  
"Something to do with our powers, yo," Todd put in. "It's like, somethin' going on with that."  
"Maybe something new kicked in?" Lance suggested. "Boss-man tried another gadget on us or something? That might explain it why we're acting weird."  
"But nothing's wrong with me," Tabitha insisted. "Whatever's wrong, why the hell would it affect you three and not me?"  
"Omigod!" Fred suddenly burst out, forgetting once more that he was supposed to be shutting up. "What about Pietro? He was gunna run to school this morning and I woulda seen him 'cause we have classes together. But he never came! I weren't too worried 'cause I figured he was skipping or something. But what if something's wrong? We oughta check on him. I guess we should. Let's go!"  
The enormous boy bounced on his heels, appearing to be a combination of concerned and excited. The other three stared at him for a moment before shrugging.  
"He's right," Todd said. "We better make sure Speedy's okay. He ain't the most stable guy around, yaknow?"  
"Don't you have class?" Tabitha wanted to know. "You were worried about flunking."  
"I'm 'a probably flunk anyhow, yo. 'Sides, all the weird shit's been goin' on today, I need to get away."

As they reached the jeep, Tabitha looked speculative. "So," she said slowly.  
"What?" Lance asked.  
"Well, it's just that you were talking about how weird things are happening... Todd said it's not hurting when people hit him, Fred's acting all hyper..."  
"No." Lance cut her off. "Save it. I got no idea what's happening, but we're not gonna figure it out like this. We get back to the boarding house, we find Pietro, and we figure it out from there. Okay?"  
"Huh." Tabitha blinked, then shrugged. "Sure, whatever. Pie-pie can't be that screwed up."


	4. Chapter 4

"HER!"

The quartet winced at the assault on their ears as they entered the den to see a lump under a blanket. Said lump twitched slightly, sobbed a little, and settled again before screaming once more.  
"SHE DID THIS! SHE! SHE!"  
"Who did what?" Tabitha asked. "Are we talking about Wanda?"  
At the sound of her voice, the blanket was thrown back. A severely-singed Pietro glared at her in combined fear and venomous loathing. One hand pointed squarely at her.  
"You! You did it, you bitch! How could you do this to me? What'd I do to you?"  
She blinked. "What?"  
"Pietro, what are you talking about?" Lance demanded.  
"Her!" Pietro seethed. "Boom-boom! She's left bombs all over the boarding house! I've been blown up at least a dozen times today! I can't get out of the goddamn house because of her booby-traps!"  
Tabitha blinked. "I didn't leave any bombs lying around."  
"Yes you did!" Pietro shrieked. "You did, you bitch! You tried to kill me!"  
"But I didn't," she said, confused. "I mean, yeah, it'd be funny as hell if I did. But I didn't."  
"So how'd he get so singed?" Todd wanted to know. "Been playin' around with the stove or somethin'?"  
Pietro's eyes went wide. "LIAR!" he screamed, spittle flying from his lips, hand still pointing. "LIAR! YOU'RE A LIAR AND YOU TRIED TO KILL MEEEE-"  
Abruptly a glowing plasma bomb appeared, balanced on his outstretched hand. Pietro's eyes went impossibly wider, and with a howl he jumped over the back of the couch, cowering. The bomb fell onto the couch, exploded, and turned a pillow into a cloud of feathers.  
Everyone was very quiet for a moment.  
"Holy fuck," said Lance at last.  
"You see?" Pietro's head popped up from behind the couch. "You see what she did to me? She tried to blow my hand off! She tried to kill me! And I didn't do anything to her!"  
"But..." Tabitha looked stunned. "But I can't make bombs appear that far away. I gotta make 'em appear near me. I couldn't have done that even if I tried, and I didn't!"  
Pietro opened his mouth, evidently about to scream again; Freddy cut him off. "She's right, she couldn't have done that. Somethin's funny here."  
Todd frowned. "Pie-pie gets hit with Boom-bombs when she ain't responsible... I can't get hurt when people try to beat me up... Lance's hands're stickin' to whatever he touches... Freddy's actin' all hyper..." he shook his head. "This is fucked, yo. It's like all our powers got sw-"  
Abruptly a large black van pulled up out the front of the boarding house and honked its horn.  
"Oh for fuck's sake," Lance snarled, and stormed off toward the door. Shrugging, the other members of the Brotherhood followed him.

By the time the Brotherhood all made it outside, the occupants of the van had gotten out. Scott and Jean stood front and centre, flanked on either side by the quartet of Rogue, Evan, Kurt and Kitty.  
"What do you want?" Lance demanded. "This is not a good time for one of your goddamn self-righteous hero runs. Make it quick."  
Scott looked a little taken aback at the unusual greeting, but recovered admirably. "Lance, we're making sure everything is okay here."  
"What?"  
"You guys have been firing off your powers like crazy all morning. Professor X is worried something's happening. Plus if you keep it up, somebody's gonna notice."  
Pietro glowered at him. "Fuck off, Summers."  
Scott looked startled. "Huh?"  
"I have had the worst fucking day of my life and you are making it worse. Now fuck off!"  
Jean frowned. "Quicksilver, we're only trying to help..."  
"I said fuck off!"

It was at this point that the most unfortunate occurrence of the day took place.  
Namely, Pietro got angry.

Face twisted into a furious grimace, he charged forward a couple of steps - and a cluster of plasma bombs appeared all around him. His face melted into an expression of terror in an instant before they blew, throwing him clear across the yard.  
Lance, who was nearest to Pietro, had a bomb roll right next to his foot. Instinctively he jumped back; this proved a mistake. The jump in question sent him sailing up into the air, where he crashed headfirst into the roof awnings. The wooden beam cracked slightly, he fell straight down onto the steps of the Boarding house, and he remained there, very evidently unconscious.  
The three remaining Hoods stared blankly at the destruction before they decided to defend themselves in case the X-Men counterattacked. At the same instant, Tabitha wound up to throw a plasma bomb and Fred charged straight at Scott. The moment Tabitha moved, the ground shook; a chunk of earth suddenly fell away in the centre of the yard, leading down into the sewer drains below the street. Tabitha staggered at the unexpected quake, tripped, and dropped into the hole with a shriek.  
Fred fared no better. He crossed the yard in a blur, stumbled as the ground shook, fell over, and rolled magnificently head-over-heels to connect soundly with the side of the van. He fell to the ground, groaning, and made no further move.  
Last of all, Todd stood in front of the Boarding House, alone. Six X-Men looked blankly back at him. Then, shrugging, he leaped into the air and whipped his tongue out toward them.  
Unfortunately, the leap and the whip covered distances of two feet and two inches, respectively. Tongue sticking out from between yellowed teeth, Todd managed a small hop that was almost spectacular in its unimpressiveness, but was just far enough to carry him to the point where Tabitha had been standing. Howling in protest, he toppled into the now-open drain, only to have Tabitha's voice join his as he evidently landed right on top of her.  
Completely unscathed, the stunned and bewildered X-Men looked at each other and blinked.  
"Does this mean we win?" Evan asked eventually.

"What do we do now?" Kitty wanted to know. Jean looked incredibly confused.  
"They... they beat themselves. It was like they were using each other's powers. What the hell?"  
"I have a suggestion," Kurt said after a moment. They looked at him and he shrugged. "I suggest that we get back in the van, we wind up the windows very tightly, and we return to the Institute before whatever is wrong with the Brotherhood attacks us."  
There was a moment of silence. Then Rogue nodded.  
"Fuzzy's idea wins. Lemme in that van."

----

The roar of the van's engine roused Fred; cracking one eye he looked up at the sky, then struggled his bulk into a sitting position. He was just in time to see the van tear off down the street, windows winding up as it went - incidentally catching what looked like someone's hair in the process. There was a howl of protest, the sound of a solid blow from within the van, and then the ponytail in question simply phased through the glass and vanished into the van. Then the van was gone.

Fred groaned and climbed to his feet. He wasn't used to feeling... well, pain, and he was in a decent amount of it now. The sugar rush from the Mars Bars had almost worn off, letting him think coherently enough to realise that the others had been right - something was seriously wrong with their powers.  
Across the yard, a groan came from somewhere inside a pile of leaves. The pile wriggled, heaved, and eventually vomited forth Pietro, looking decidedly more singed but less frightened before. Instead he seemed to be about as confused as Fred felt.  
"You okay?"  
Pietro nodded. "I... think so. Didn't do too much damage that time with a soft landing."  
"Awright. C'mon, we better help the others. I guess we better. Yep."  
Wincing, Pietro made his way over to the hole where Todd and Tabitha had fallen. "Do I really talk like that?"  
"Like what? I dunno what you're talking about. What're you talking about? Am I talkin' funny? I guess I am. I must be. I'm talkin' like you. Whaddya mean like that? How come I'm talkin' like you?"  
Pietro made a face. "Guess so, huh. Look, didn't you hear Princess Priss? She's right - we switched powers somehow. I'm throwin' boom-bombs around, you're super fast, Lance is jumping around like Toad... our powers got mixed up."  
"That's what I said, yo," came Todd's disembodied voice from inside the hole. "I thought that's what was happenin' 'fore all this fight started."  
"So why didn't you say so?" said Pietro.  
"I got interrupted, yo. Plus I weren't sure."  
"Can you help us out of here?" came Tabitha's voice. "It stinks."  
"So? 'S your own fault you're down there," Lance retorted, climbing to his feet. Rubbing a large bump on his head he walked over to the hole and peered in. "I told you my powers were hard to control. You get too worked up and that's all it takes."  
"Shut up and get me out of here!"  
"Hang on, yo," came Todd's voice. "C'mere..."  
"Hey, wait! What're you - let me go you slimy piece of - SHIIIIIIIIIIT!"

On the last shrieked word Tabitha flew upwards out of the hole, performed an unwilling somersault in the air, and landed on her backside on the ground.  
Lance blinked at her. "What happened?"  
"He threw me!" Tabitha glared. "Fucking Toadboy threw me!"  
"He's not the Toadboy any more," Pietro observed. "Toddie's the new Blobbo."  
"Wait, wait, wait." Lance raised his hands. "So we're all sure this is what happened? We switched powers somehow?"  
"Looks like it, don't it?" Fred asked. "I guess it does. Yep. Looks like we did."  
Lance held his sore head. "Someone make him stop."  
"How the hell did we switch powers?" Tabitha demanded. "What's going on?"  
"Twenty bucks says it were Boss-Man an' Boss-Lady," Todd's voice floated up. "They'd prob'ly think this is funny as hell. An' good fer some kinda experiment or somethin'."  
"You don't have twenty bucks," Pietro pointed out.  
"I'll steal it from you, yo."  
"So what do we do?" Fred asked. "Should we call 'em up? Huh? Yeah, we should. I guess we should. Ask what's goin' on."  
"I have a headache," Tabitha said.  
"Get used to it," Lance growled. "Anytime you use my powers you're gonna get a headache. That's the way it goes now. Meanwhile I got a headache from jumping into the fucking roof, so don't expect any sympathy from me."  
"Uh..." Pietro shrugged. "I'm gonna go see if I can get hold of Mystique or Magneto. 'Kay?"  
The others nodded; Pietro headed inside, carefully not moving too quickly to stop boom-balls materialising around him. As the door closed, Todd's voice floated up from inside the drain.  
"So, uh... someone gonna help me outta here, yo? I can't throw myself..."

----

Frowning, Forge looked at the device, then pushed it to the back of his desk.  
"Alright," he admitted to Einstein. "It didn't work properly. I'm pretty sure it did something but I'm not sure what that was. It's like the nanobots' signals are bouncing off each other or something. So it didn't work."  
Einstein wriggled his nose at Forge and said nothing.  
"Don't worry, though," he said, reaching down under the desk and taking out another, similar-looking device. "We've still got batch number two to work with. I'm sure this time it's gonna work perfectly."  
Einstein looked skeptical.  
"It will!" Forge insisted. "I'm sure it's gonna work this time. I threw in a few extra stabilisers this time, so they're not gonna mess up each other's signals as long as they're working properly. You'll see."  
Einstein turned around and scurried back into the soup can that served as his bed. Forge stuck his tongue out at the hamster and depressed a button on the front of the machine.


	5. Chapter 5

Roughly ten minutes later, the X-Van pulled up in the garage of the Institute. Jamie was waiting for them.  
"You better come inside," he said. "Something's wrong."  
"What is it?" Scott wanted to know.  
"Um... we're not sure. But it's like someone is messing around in here and nobody knows what's causing it. Mr. Logan is really mad."  
Sighing, Jean pushed her sunglasses up the ridge of her nose and opened her door. "Well, we better see what the problem is."  
In the backseat, Kitty nodded. "Whatever. And then I gotta make sure Evan didn't rip out much of my hair with that window."  
"I said I was sorry!"  
"You will be if it happens again."

Picking up her bag from beside her seat, Kitty sighed and slid toward her door. She made no move to reach for the handle, instead intending to phase right through it.  
Instead a hugely powerful blast of red energy shot from her eyes and tore the door off its hinges.  
Jamie had been standing outside the door; still pushed by the blast, the van door neatly collected him as it went, sailed across the garage, and embedded itself in the wall.  
As the blast died down, everyone stared at the cracked plaster of the wall, the buckled and ruined van door, and the tip of one of Jamie's sneakers, hanging three inches off the floor from where he was pinned between the two. Then they all turned and looked at Kitty.

Kitty fainted.

----

Kitty opened her eyes to a world bathed in red. The walls, the bed she was lying on, the ceiling, everything she looked at was simply another shade of red, as though all around her had been bathed in blood. For a second her heart skipped a beat, wondering if that blast fired from her eyes had destroyed her vision; that she would never again see in colour.  
Then she realised someone had just strapped Scott's visor to her head, and she sat up.

"Was wonderin' when you'd wake up," Rogue observed from where she was sitting on her bed in their room. Kitty blinked at her.  
"You're wearing... a T-Shirt?"  
"Yup. Whatever's happenin' with our powers, I got mine cancelled out. Ain't no problem with my skin, at least for the minute."  
"What?" Kitty swung her legs off the bed and massaged her temples. "What are you talking about?"  
"C'mon." Standing up from her bed, Rogue nodded at the door. "The Professor can tell ya what's going on."  
Kitty frowned and followed her. "Wait, is this like what was happening to the Brotherhood?"  
"No idea. Couldn'ta been their fault, 'cause things were goin' crazy over here before we got back. Somethin's screwy, anyhow. An' don't be surprised if somethin' weird happens 'fore we get to the Professor's study."  
"Wait a minute, wait!" Kitty stopped dead. "Omigod, Jamie! Is he okay? I, like, totally killed him! Is he hurt bad? Is he gonna be okay?"  
Rogue opened her mouth to answer; before she could, Jamie's voice echoed in through the open door from somewhere down the hall.  
"Eat it, bub!"  
Rogue closed her eyes and thumped her head gently against the wall. "Trust me. Jamie ain't hurt, despite everyone's best efforts. Little bastard scored Logan's powers and he's runnin' around sniffing people and tryin' to slice stuff up. If anyone figures out how to switch us back, Bobby's probably gonna kill him."

----

"Are you feeling alright, Kitty?" the Professor asked.  
Kitty blinked at him. "Didn't we just see you in the kitchen -"  
"Yes," he said sharply. "You did."  
"...huh?"  
"And also in the Gazebo, the Library, and supervising the Danger Room."  
"You got Jamie's powers, didn't you?"  
"Unfortunately."  
"How's it feel not having telepathy anymore?"  
"Very strange." He nodded at her visor. "Oh, and I'm fairly certain you can take those off."  
Kitty frowned. "You think so? Wouldn't it be, uh, dangerous?"  
"No. Scott lost control of his powers in an accident. You appear to have inherited his powers, but not the accident. You should have control over them."  
Carefully, Kitty pulled off the visor, and sighed in relief when she failed to destroy anything. "So what's going on, then? What's causing all this?"  
"I'm not certain." the Professor shrugged. "As near as we can place it, it began in the Danger Room. The New Mutants were running through a sim, Ray fired up his powers, and everyone suddenly jolted as though they'd been electrocuted."  
Rogue nodded at Kitty. "Remember? It was about five minutes after we left the 'Hoods house."  
"Indeed," the Professor agreed. "From that point on everything went haywire. Before we knew what was happening, everyone's powers were completely out of control. We don't know why."  
"But..." Kitty frowned. "It couldn't have been that. The Brotherhood tried to fight us, and -"  
"I know," he cut her off. "I've discussed this with the others. Scott and Jean are trying to make contact with the Brotherhood now to see if they have any idea what may have caused this. The rest of us are just trying to get some kind of a handle on the situation."

Taking this all in, Kitty sat back in her seat and looked at Scott's visor. She raised an eyebrow.  
"So if I have Scott's powers, whose did he get?"  
"Mine," Rogue answered. "I got Rahne's. Kinda weird turnin' into a wolf like that. Not that she's complainin'... she got Ray's powers."  
"We don't know who has made which switches yet," the Professor put in. "Some are obvious... Jean's eyes started glowing, so we know she has Kurt's powers. Scott managed to drain Rahne at one point, revealing that he had Rogue and Rahne had Ray. And Jubilee..."

----

"Jubilation, please. Open the door."  
"No!" The girl's voice was firm. "I am not coming out until we find out how to reverse this."  
"This is not helping anyone, Jubilation. It's not that bad."  
"Yes it is!"  
"No it is not. I have had to deal with this before. And this will be only temporary, I assure you. You will not have my powers forever. Now will you please come out and discuss this?"  
"No!"

Sighing, Hank turned away and walked back down the corridor. He'd tried his best, but for some reason Jubilee just didn't want to see the upside of becoming an enormous blue gorilla.  
Kids these days.

----

"...as for the others, well, we're not quite sure on everyone," the Professor continued. "Logan, Kurt and Evan are still unknown, and they're a little cautious about trying to find out in case their powers are dangerous. Roberto seems to have retained his own powers, as has Storm. It's quite confusing."  
"Who's got mine?" Kitty wanted to know.  
"We're not sure yet. I'm sure we'll find out soon enough. At least your powers are unlikely to cause any long-lasting damage, so long as there's nothing electronic involved."

----

Upstairs in his bedroom, Logan swiped a hand through his matted hair.  
"This is stupid," he growled. "It don't matter whose powers I got. We'll work it out soon enough."  
Ororo rolled her eyes. "Logan, this is important. Will you just try?"  
"I am trying. I ain't used to this. Passive powers, remember?"  
Two of the Professor's clones were also present; one steepled his hands under his chin. "Logan, tell me. How do you 'pop your claws', as you often put it?"  
Logan shrugged. "I flex."  
"Then flex now," the Professor encouraged. "The others seem to be able to activate their new powers by getting in the same mindset they were in to activate their old ones. Give it a try."  
Sighing, Logan closed his eyes and concentrated. For a long moment, nothing happened.

Then his clothes abruptly dropped away from his body and crumpled to the floor.

Logan's eyes snapped open in horror as a look of barefaced dismay plastered itself on his features. However, his face fell only a split second before he did, dropping straight through the floor of his bedroom and into the ground level of the Institute.  
Ororo managed to snap her jaw shut and blink as the screaming started to float up from the kitchen downstairs. Shaking her head, she glanced at the Professors next to her.

"Kitty," they all said in unison.


	6. Chapter 6

**rrrrrring**  
**rrrrrring**  
**rrrrrring**  
_click_

"Hello?"  
Kitty tapped her foot. "Hi, Fred."  
"Hi. Hey, is this Kitty? I guess it is. Hey Kitty. Howzit goin'? You wanna talk to Lance, I guess. You want me to get him? Or maybe you don't wanna talk to him. Is somethin' wrong? What's wrong?"  
"...Fred, are you okay?"  
"I'm feelin' kinda funny. See, I'm Quickie today, an' it's kinda weird."  
"Right."  
"Yup. I'm talkin' real fast an' stuff, an I ain't as hungry as usual neither. But I keep wantin' sugar, but nobody's gonna give me any 'cause I'll get all hyper like Quickie usually does, 'cept he ain't doin' that today 'cause I'm him today and he's Tabby."  
Kitty began to bang her head softly against the wall. "Fred, can you put Lance on? Please?"  
"Okie-dokie."

In the hall behind her, there was a loud _whoomph _sound accompanied by a scream; a second later, a wildly-shrieking Kurt careened down the hall, most of his body covered with flames. A cheerful-looking Sam followed him.  
"It ain't gonna hurt you, ya wuss," he called at the Elf. Kurt ignored him and continued merrily on his way, scorching the walls as he went. Sam shrugged and stuck his head in the kitchen door a short distance away from Kitty.  
"We found out who got Amara's powers," he called. "If you see Kurt running around screaming and on fire, you wanna try and remind him he's fire-proof now?"  
Various voices from the kitchen made their assent, and Sam stepped back. "Oh yeah. Anyone know where Dr. McCoy is? We probably oughta get him to ice Kurt down a bit. He needs practice with Bobby's powers anyway..."

Distracting Kitty from the dramas of the Institute, Lance picked up the Brotherhood's phone.  
"Hello? Who is this? What's going on?"  
"Hey Lance. Geez, calm down, willya?"  
Lance's voice groaned in her ear. "Oh, it's you. Fred just said it was the phone for me... I was kinda hopin' it'd be Magneto or Mystique."  
She blinked. "You don't sound happy."  
"In case you didn't notice when you guys came by earlier, things ain't exactly normal around here."  
Kitty glanced out the window just in time to see Bobby and Hank attempting to remove the now-extinguished Kurt from a large block of ice. "I think I can identify."  
"Huh?"  
"Look, whatever went wrong with your powers, it's affected us now. Things are really crazy over here right now."  
"Whoah." Lance's voice sounded alarmed. "What the fuck is going on, then?"  
"We don't know," she informed him. "But we're trying to work it out. Do you think you guys could, like, come to the Institute? Since your powers went haywire first, maybe we can figure something out..."  
Lance was silent for a second, then sighed. "Okay. We were tryin' to get in contact with Boss-Man or Boss-Lady, but neither of 'em are answering their phones. We'll be there in a little while, okay?"  
"Great. Just keep ol' Slashy from attacking us."  
"I don't think he's going to be able to slash you anytime soon. He got my powers."  
"Oh, awesome. See you later, then."

----

In the Kitchen, Ororo finished marking up notes on a large whiteboard and stood back. "I think that's everyone accounted for," she said. "For some reason Sam, Roberto and myself are still fine, but everyone else seems to have made a power switch."  
Rogue grinned toothily. "Hey, it ain't all bad. Havin' fangs really sets off the Goth look."  
Jean rolled her eyes. "At least I don't have fangs. Yet. And I now have a new appreciation for Kurt's metabolism, by the way. I knew he ate a lot but I now understand why he has to... I'm starving."  
"You've been eating all afternoon," Rahne pointed out. "He doesnae have to eat that much."  
"She's been eating healthy foods," Ororo corrected her. "Kurt's metabolism needs quality, not quantity. Eating a lot of fruit doesn't make much difference to Jean now."  
Jean sulked. "But I really wanted that pineapple."  
Bobby thoughtfully pulled a spike out of his elbow and pointed it at Rahne. "It was pretty cool when you electrocuted the pineapple and it exploded. Ray never does anything that funny."  
"That wasnae funny! I got it all over me!"  
"I thought it was pretty damn funny," Rogue put in.  
"Yeah, well, it wasn't your pineapple," Jean reminded her. Nearby, Amara snorted.  
"At least all of you got interesting powers," she pointed out. "I don't know how Jubilee takes herself seriously. I mean, fireworks? I don't know whether to shout _Evil Beware _or _Happy New Year _each time I fire up."

Kitty wandered into the kitchen accompanied by Jamie and three of the Professors.  
"I called Lance. The Brotherhood will be here in a while," she reported.  
"Good," commented one of the Professors.  
"Excellent," the next one agreed.  
"I'm hungry," said the third. "Do we have any pineapple left?"  
Everyone looked at him.  
"See," said Jamie. "I told you that one clone is always retarded."

----

Lance made it two feet from his jeep before Logan was glaring into his eyes.  
"Listen, kid," he growled. "I get the deal with the flag o' truce an' all. But I see you take one step out of line, I'm gonna make you wish you were never even born. Capice?"  
Lance nodded.  
Growling slightly, Logan raised one hand, bunched it into a fist, and vanished through the ground.  
"Oh for fuck's sake," said Evan.  
"At least his clothes stayed on this time," Roberto pointed out.  
Jean sighed. "I'm guessing he's in the sub-levels?"  
Ray nodded, eyes closed. "Yep. Fell all the way down to level two."  
"I'll go get him then."  
Jean vanished in a plume of smoke; Lance blinked. "Oooooh... kay..."  
"Kitty's powers went to Logan," Scott explained.  
"Yeah, she told me on the phone," Lance agreed. "Still don't think I was ready to see it, though."  
Meanwhile, Todd had climbed out of the Jeep and was looking at Ray. "What, you got Baldy's powers?"  
"Nope," said Evan. "I did."  
"I got Jean's," Ray explained.  
The rest of the Brotherhood had left the jeep and were standing in a group; Pietro glared at Evan. "So you're a telepath now, Daniels?" he sneered. "What, gonna make all the boys fall in love with you?"  
Evan stared at Pietro. Pietro punched himself in the face and fell over.  
"I like having the Professor's powers," Evan announced.  
"You suck," Pietro growled, and headbutted the ground several times.  
"Evan, cut that out," Scott ordered. "It's an abuse of Professor Xavier's powers and I like enormous boners prodding me in the face while Logan spanks my ass. I'm his bitch!"  
Everyone was silent for a moment.  
"Dude," Todd said. "Havin' Baldy's powers rules."  
Evan frowned. "That... wasn't me."  
"Sorry man," Ray apologised to Scott. "Couldn't resist."  
Over in the mansion, Kurt's face appeared at the window. Tabitha waved; Kurt promptly burst into flames, shrieked, and fell out of sight.  
"This place is so much more awesome now that you guys swapped powers," Fred announced. Lance pinched the bridge in his nose and shook his head.  
"I never thought I'd say this," he informed Scott, "but I really want things to go back to the way they were yesterday."  
"Tell me about it," Scott agreed. "If Bobby makes one more 'boner' joke with Evan's powers I'll kill him myself."

"Alright," Ororo said, putting the cap back on the marker pen and turning away from the notice board. "Those are the final changes. What now?"  
The Professor - there being only one in the room - looked at the Brotherhood. "When did the change begin?" he asked.  
Tabitha shrugged. "We were feeling kind of strange this morning. Didn't notice much until we were at School, though... Pietro was the only one to actually use his powers all morning, and he didn't go to school."  
"He kept blowin' himself up," Fred supplied helpfully. "He was sayin' how every time he moved or thought about Tabs or got angry or upset or started cryin' or anything he made boom-bombs an' blew himself up. So he was under a blanket on the sofa when we came back to see if'n he was okay an' he was cryin' a bit an' he yelled at Tabs but we figured out it wasn't her, an' then he blew himself up a couple more times-"  
"Fred," Pietro said. "Your helpful advice isn't."  
"Huh?"  
"Shut up."  
"Okie-dokie."  
"And did you feel anything... unusual... besides the use of each other's powers?" The Professor asked.  
Lance shook his head. "Not me. Todd was feeling weird, but that was probably just Fred's metabolism kicking in. I don't think the rest of us even noticed."  
Kitty looked around. "Where is Todd, anyway?" she asked.

----

"You ready?"  
"Go fer it, yo. It ain't gonna hurt, I'm tellin' you."  
Roberto shrugged, wound up, and slammed one solar-charged fist into Todd's chest. Todd flew backwards across the lawn, connected with a tree, snapped one branch clean off, and landed in a pile on the ground.  
Sam, Rahne and Kurt winced collectively.  
"I'm okay," Todd's voice called over cheerfully. "I ain't as heavy as Freddy, but it still didn't hurt!"  
"Cool," breathed Jamie. "Do it again!"  
"Hit him in the head this time," the Professor enthused.  
The others stared at him for a moment. He wilted.  
"Sorry. I'll be quiet."

----

"Well," Hank noted, looking at the whiteboard, "we can almost certainly discount anything natural causing this phenomenon. There's far too much variation over the age groups to explain it without Sam, Roberto and Ororo being effected."  
"So what does that leave?" Pietro wanted to know.  
"Something unnatural," Evan told him. Pietro scowled at him.  
"Read my mind right now," he told Evan. A moment later, Evan recoiled.  
"Dude, no! That is fucking sick!"  
"Next time it's gonna be a horse," Pietro threatened, and Evan glared at him.  
"It is not healthy that you have those images in your mind," he told Pietro. "Seriously."  
"Children, please," Hank sighed.  
"Sorry."

"Okay, so something unnatural did this," Tabitha said. "What was it, then?"  
"My money's on Boss-man," Lance said. "Probably some experiment of his."  
"Or his associate, Dr. Essex," Ororo suggested. "This is right up his alley."  
"Who?" Fred asked.  
"Similar to Magneto," Hank explained, "but he goes right through megalomania into total cruelty."  
"Oh."  
The Professor shook his head. "Which is why I doubt either of them are responsible," he said. "This is mischievous, irritating, inconvenient - but not harmful. If anyone who wished us harm could disrupt our powers on a scale like this, they'd have openly attacked. This is more like a prank, though I have no idea who could do this, let alone who would."  
Sighing, he thumped his fist on the table; another two Professors appeared, blinking in surprise.  
"Oh dear," said Hank.  
The first Professor sighed. "I have a newfound respect for the difficulties of being Jamie," he informed the others.  
"You don't have to tell me about it," his clones said in unison, and blinked at one another.  
It was at this point Rogue walked in the door and shook her head. "It ain't natural," she muttered. "There's too damn many of ya wheelin' around here."  
"Sorry," the three Professors apologised at the same time. Rogue groaned.  
"Good thing I don't have to hang around here much longer, I'm just here to find Storm. Amara's settin' off fireworks out the back an' she's started a leaf fire."  
Fred's face lit up. "Fireworks? Can I see?"  
Lance covered his eyes with one hand and nodded. "Go."  
In the time it took to blink, Fred was gone; a second later Amara shrieked wildly, followed by Fred's voice howling in protest.  
Kitty looked out the window and winced. "Um... it looks like Fred ran into Amara and she got caught in his... uh, cleavage. And now she's attacking him."  
The room winced collectively.  
Ororo headed for the back door, shaking her head. "I'll go work things out," she announced. "Charles, Hank, please - find a way to fix this."  
The Professors and Hank looked at one another.  
"We'll try," they all said.


	7. Chapter 7

"Alright," Kitty announced. "I've got the Magneto and the Acolytes, Sinister and the Marauders, and the Hellfire Club listed as _Unlikely_. Who else can you think of?"  
"How 'bout the Morlocks?" Pietro suggested. "Maybe they got a new mutant who could do something like this."  
"Possible, but not likely," one of the Professors noted. "For that matter, your sister Wanda could be responsible for this." He paused. "In fact that's not so unlikely, either. Kitty, if you could put the Morlocks under _Unlikely_ and the Scarlet Witch under _Possible_, please?"  
"Done and done," Kitty answered, scribbling away at a notepad.  
"Victor von Doom?" Ororo suggested. "He's more than capable of something like this..."  
"Yes, but why would he attack us? The man's obsessed with the Fantastic Four."  
"He could be testing a weapon on us before using it against Dr. Richards."  
"...fair point. Kitty?"  
"Added to the _Possible_ category," she agreed.  
"What about those two lunatic women we heard about in Northern Australia?" Scott suggested. Jean shook her head.  
"No, this isn't their style. I was going to suggest something from one of the other supervillians running around, for the same reason as Storm suggested... Doctor Octopus, or the Lizard, or Mumbo Jumbo, or someone."  
"Who was that last one?" Lance wanted to know.  
"Oh, nobody important."

Evan groaned. "What's the point of even doing this?" he asked. "Assuming that we get this list done of everyone who might have screwed up our powers, and that the dude who actually did it is somewhere on the list... what next? We call him up and ask him nicely to change us back?"  
The nearest Charles frowned at him. "Well, not exactly, no. But we have to start somewhere, Evan. At the very least, a list of possible suspects is a move in the right direction."  
"Maybe Weapon X or the Friends of Humanity," Lance suggested. "Those fuckers probably think this'd be a great experiment. Just another weapon they're working on."  
"Suggestion noted and language ignored due to the circumstances," another Charles agreed. "Kitty, if you would?"  
"I got it, I got it," Kitty muttered, writing away. "But I gotta say I agree with Evan here... is this, like, actually useful at all, or are we really just wasting time here until Dr. McCoy finishes his tests downstairs?"  
"Maybe it's a bit of both," suggested a Charles from the doorway. Two of the other Professors glared at him.  
"Who let you back inside?" one demanded.  
"I got cold so I came back in," the clone in the door explained. "It's cold outside, you know. There's quite a breeze."  
The Professor at the table pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes. "Do us all a favour - go and watch some television or something until we're done here. Please."  
"Alright."  
The unfortunate clone in question wheeled his way toward the Rec Room, and the half-dozen or so Professors remaining sighed in unison.  
"I empathise with Jamie on a level I never thought I would," one observed.  
"Or wanted to," added another.  
"Amen to that," the rest agreed.  
Kitty raised her pen. "That's it. You can stay," she announced, pointing at the Professor seated at the table. "The rest of you leave now, or so help me God I will lock you all in the Danger Room until this is done."  
Two of the Professors made as if to argue with her.  
Kitty brandished the pen at them.  
And five of the Professors looked at one another and hurriedly left the room.

----

"Interesting... very interesting... oh yes, that is interesting. It's fascinating, enthralling, enchanting, captivating and most of all it's interesting..."  
"Today's list of Synonyms brought to you by Doctor Henry McCoy's neurosis," Logan observed from his position leaning against the doorframe. Hank spun around and flushed.  
"Logan! My word. Don't startle me like that, I could have spilled something."  
"An' we can't have that, now can we?" Logan asked, walking forward. "Whatcha lookin' at that's so damn interesting, Poindexter?"  
"Blood samples." Hank stepped away and gestured at the microscope he'd been peering through a moment ago. "Samples from some of the Brotherhood, some of our own students, and from Ororo and Samuel and Roberto. I've been trying to detect any common factors between those affected by this power exchange which differs from the three who have been unaffected."  
"Havin' any luck?"  
"Why yes." Hank blinked at him, then picked up his spectacles from the bench and put them on. "I've found something most peculiar."  
Strolling forward, Logan examined the Petri dishes. "Which would be?"  
"Nanobots."  
"What?"  
"Nanobots."  
"Poindexter, pretend for just a minute that I got no idea what those are. Little help?"  
"Oh. Yes." Hank nodded. "Nanobots are, essentially, microscopic robots. That is, microscopic on an atomic level. A concentrated group of several million Nanobots would produce a pile the size of an M&M, you see. They're absolutely tiny."  
"Okay." Logan shrugged. "What about 'em?"  
"We're riddled with them," the doctor said simply. "You, me, the students, the Brotherhood... our blood is teeming with Nanobots. All of which are active - they seem to be powered by body heat, most clever - and transmitting some kind of signal. The thing is, those who have not been affected by the power switch are clean, not a bot to be found in their blood samples."  
"So these Nannybots are causin' everyone's powers to go screwy?"  
"It would appear so, yes."  
"How? What's this signal they're puttin' out?"  
Hank looked pained. "Logan, I'm a physician, not a physicist. Nor, for that matter, a Radio Engineer. I know these Nanobots are here, and that they're the prime candidate for our current difficulty. The how and why of it, however, are beyond me." He paused. "As is, for that matter, how we came to be infected by them..."

----

Upstairs in the kitchen, Sam opened the door of the fridge just as another Charles clone wheeled past him. Kitty glared at the clone suspiciously, and he held up his hands.  
"Kitty, please. I'm only here to get some coffee, and you have my word that I'll behave myself."  
She glared at him. "You sure you're not Sparky(3) from a minute ago?" she demanded. Charles shuddered.  
"Lord, no. He has, at present, commandeered the television and is watching _Judge Judy_."  
Scott blinked. "Professor, it's kind of disturbing to think that he came from you."  
"Believe me, Scott, nobody is more disturbed than I by the thought."

Behind the Professor, Sam emerged from the fridge with a Tupperware container in one hand, a fork in the other, and a mouthful of casserole. He swallowed and gestured with his fork.  
"Who made this?" he wanted to know. "It's pretty damn good. Kitty, weren't you cookin' last night?"  
She shrugged. "Well, yeah, but I didn't make the casserole."  
"I know that, didn't ya hear me say it was good? I was wondering who did."  
Kitty stuck her tongue out at him. "Meanie. Anyway, I don't know, it was on the counter when I was making dinner. It tasted okay, so I served it up... nobody complained so I figured it was no biggie."  
Sam nodded. "Fair enough. I was kinda scared to try it 'cause I thought you made it last night..." Kitty made as if to throw her pen, and Sam grinned at her. "...but I wish I had. This stuff is good."  
Ororo raised an eyebrow. "I didn't try it either, Sam. For the same reason. I'll have to try it..."  
As Sam opened his mouth to respond to her, the Professor wheeled past him to get to the coffeemaker.  
What happened next was a shock to everyone.

A flicker of blue light, visible to everyone, flickered between Sam and Charles like an arc of lightning. Both jolted back as if struck by a physical blow; the Professor vanished. Sam staggered against the fridge, slipped, and fell on his backside.  
Three more Sams appeared next to him, sprawled on the kitchen floor.  
Over by the table, the remaining Charles gave an exclamation and made as if to move. Instead he shot backwards at an incredible pace, blurring with speed, to smash through the kitchen wall, through the wall of the hallway opposite, and into the bathroom beyond. Inside the bathroom, a screaming Rogue pulled her pants back up, exited the bathroom via the new hole in the wall, and ran off down the hall.  
Everyone in the kitchen remained frozen.  
"Hello?" came the Professor's voice, feebly floating back in toward them. "Can someone help me, please? I'm not hurt, but... I'm sort of stuck here..."  
Scott was the first to snap back to reality. He shook his head. "That... was unexpected."  
"Unexpected, hell," Pietro retorted. "That was fucking brilliant. This is way funnier when it happens to someone else."  
"Keep talking and I'll slime you," Lance growled. Pietro made a zipping motion over his mouth, and went with Scott to retrieve the Professor.  
Kitty, meanwhile, finally managed to blink. "Okay... so..." she clutched her pen until her knuckles went white. "The Professor has Sam's powers now. Okay. And Sam has Jamie's. Okay."  
"This is not what I'd call okay," Jean informed her. "This is worse than what we had a second ago and that wasn't okay either."  
"I feel really weird," one of the Sams called, staggering to his feet. "Uh, Miss Storm? Maybe you shouldn't try that casserole after all..."  
"Duly noted," Ororo agreed.  
"I fell on my bottom," one of the other Sams complained loudly. "And I spilt the casserole. It was good casserole and I wasted it. Darn it all."  
"Oh God, now I'm doing it," a third Sam growled.

A cough from the doorway caught everyone's attention; Hank stood there, Logan a short distance behind.  
"Well," said Hank. "I was going to say that I had some interesting news for us all, but something tells me that whatever is going on here is much more interesting than anything I could tell you."

----

(3) By the wisdom of Morlock, the ORC has been universally named Sparky. Bless you, Morlock! huggles


	8. Chapter 8

"There's a blind corner coming up ahead."  
"Yes, I know that. I've driven down this road before, believe it or not."  
"Well, I'm just saying to look out... ooh, and look out for that truck as well..."  
"I can see the truck and I don't need a running commentary."  
"All I'm doing is trying to help - oof! Easy on the brakes there, how fast were you going just now?"  
Ororo stomped one foot down on the gas, her expression less than cheerful. "Fast enough. Now will you stop criticising my driving for five minutes please?"  
Hank frowned at her. "Really, Ororo, I'm merely trying-"  
"My patience. Why couldn't you have gone in the other van?"  
"All the spare seats were taken by Sam. Er, by the Sams." He paused. "Sam's Multiples had taken all the seats? Yes, I'll go with that one."  
"One more word, Henry, just one, and I swear here and now I'll throw you out of this van without even slowing down."  
As she took the next turn barely touching the brakes, Hank risked a glance at her face to see if she meant it. Her face indicated she did, and the blue doctor turned to look out his own window and sulk.  
"I hope we get to Forge's place soon," Bobby muttered. "This stopped being funny ten minutes ago."  
Next to him, Jubilee nodded her now-shaggy down at him. "The sooner we get there the better," she agreed in a disturbingly bass voice.

----

Following Hank's discovery of the Nanobots, things had gone rather quickly. Once they were identified as the alien factor responsible for the power-switch, the next step was to identify the source of the 'infection'. Sam having provided assistance in that area - and a quick test revealing the casserole as the source of the Nanobots - it had been simple to dispose of it. A rapid questionnaire with the Brotherhood had revealed that their dinner had also been supplied by a mysterious outside source, almost certainly the way they'd been infected.  
Having identified the Nanobots and removed their source, it became a simple matter of deactivating them - for a limited definition of "simple". The first few attempts had resulted in a few short, painful electrocutions for the volunteers, promptly inspiring others to withdraw their offer of volunteering. The bots were small, but they were resilient and numerous and very well designed - well designed enough to be resistant to any attempts the residents of the Institute made to dispose of them, well enough for everyone to decide that in order to shut them down for good, they'd need the help of someone who understood such designs a lot better than they did.  
It had been at this point that Kurt had suggested Forge. The others had expressed surprise that Kurt was willing to let Forge use his equipment anywhere near him, given what had happened the last few times. It was likely that Kurt had a witty retort of some kind prepared, but instead he'd promptly burst into flames and run around shrieking for a few minutes. Later, having been extinguished, he'd wiped the foam out of his fur while announcing that whatever Forge did to them, it couldn't be that much worse than what was going on.  
Which had led to two X-Vans, one X-Jeep, Scott's beloved convertible and Lance's own jeep being loaded to the brim as the entire mutant population of Bayville set off, in one grand convoy, to see what Forge could do about the situation.

----

Lance nudged his jeep up just a touch over the speed limit - observing, with sour humour, that this only brought him up to the same speed as Scott in his red car, leading the way.  
"Can't we get there any faster, yo?" Todd wanted to know. "I'm sick o' bein' Blob. Feel like I gained twenty pounds already, nameen?"  
"Goin' as fast as we can, Todd," Lance said coolly. "Just sit back, enjoy the ride, watch the show."  
"What show?"  
A blue-haired head popped up in the back seat of Scott's convertible, looked at them, and promptly burst into flame. The screams carried quite clearly to them in the open-topped jeep.  
"Ah," said Todd. "That show."  
"I wish he'd stop doing that," Tabitha observed.  
"I wish he'd stop screaming everytime he does do it," Pietro declared. "You'd think the guy woulda gotten used to it by now. That's, what, the eighth time since we arrived at Geek Central that he's set himself on fire? Dumb bastard should know by now that it doesn't hurt."  
"Nobody ever accused him of being too smart for his own good," Lance pointed out. As the rest of the Brotherhood nodded sagely, a small raincloud appeared over Scott's car and extinguished the Elf; behind them, Ororo's van honked its horn in acknowledgement.  
Turning, Tabitha looked over her door. "How you doin' there, Freddy?"  
Fred grinned at her, his round body jiggling in an alarming fashion as he ran alongside the speeding jeep. "Me? I'm great. How're you doin'? I guess you're doin' fine, huh. Yeah. It's a nice day for a run, mm-hmm! I'm doin' just fine."  
"Good for you, big guy."  
Lance looked at Todd, riding shotgun. "Dude, I swear - this is the weirdest car trip anyone has ever been on."

"I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with... S!"  
"For the last fuckin' time, Sparky. Nobody wants to play."  
"Shh! If we start doing it, everyone else will! You'll see!"  
"There's nobody else here but us, you moron."  
"Oh yeah? Well, who's that?"  
"...that's another one of us. Jesus Christ."  
"Well, I'm playing anyway. Now, it starts with an S and I'm looking at it riiiiight now..."  
"...it's Sam, isn't it?"  
"Dude, how'd you guess?"  
"That's what it was the last seven times."  
"Well, I gotta start it off easy so people get interested."  
"Nobody is interested. Shut up."  
"Oh yeah? Well, let's see about that! I spy, with my little eye..."  
"If I kill you, does that count as suicide?"  
"...Logan?"  
"Yeah, Chuck?"  
"Why did we agree to ride in this van?"  
"Cause we're stupid."  
"Ah."  
"...beginning with S! C'mon, you guys, it's easy!"

----

A short time later, the vehicles having arrived at their destination - somehow without any of the occupants having been murdered. Together, they crowded around the building and looked at each other.  
"If he's not home I can't promise not to kill anyone on the way back," Evan announced. "If I have to put up with everyone's thoughts for much longer I will snap."  
"I'm just sick of being on fire," Kurt complained. Pietro threw a plasma bomb at Kurt; Kurt took two steps back, burst into flames, and fell over howling in protest as the plasma bomb exploded harmlessly a few feet away.  
"Pietro," Scott ordered. "Stop doing that."  
"But it's funny!"  
"I know that, but if you keep doing it he's gonna come looking for revenge when he gets his own powers back. You do remember the Noodle Incident(4)?"  
Pietro went pale and stepped back. "I'll be good."

Shaking her head, Jean stepped up to the door of the large brick building and knocked loudly. There was a short wait, and then the door swung open to reveal Forge.  
Forge looked out at the twenty or so grumpy-looking mutants, squeaked, and slammed the door shut again.  
The mutants in question looked nonplussed.  
"Why isn't he helping us?" Amara wanted to know. "Why did he run off like that?"  
"We'll know when we catch 'im," Logan growled. "Jeannie, head up to the roof and see if he tries to get out any other exits. I'll go through the door an' unlock it-"  
Jubilee knuckled up to the door and smashed it off its hinges with one blow. Logan blinked.  
"...or there's that."  
The crowd of disgruntled teenagers pushed past him into the workshop, leaving Logan, Storm, Hank and Charles outside.  
"Well?" said Charles. "I suppose the door is open..."  
They entered.

"So why did you run away?" Kitty wanted to know.  
Forge grinned weakly. "Um... you surprised me? And you look, uh, kinda annoyed, and when you guys turn up here when you're annoyed I tend to get stuff broken. Like my inventions. Or my bones."  
"Okay. But we don't want to hurt you, we just want your help."  
"Oh. Then are you gonna put me down now?"  
Everyone looked at Ray. Ray remained focused on Forge, who was hovering some seven feet off the ground.  
"In a minute," said Ray.  
"But I'm not much good to you up here," said Forge. "I can't help you with anything when I'm floating this high off the ground."  
"He's got a point," Scott agreed.  
Forge nodded. "Right. So let me down and I'll help you with the Nanobots."  
"Wait," said Jean. "How did you know about the Nanobots?"  
"What Nanobots?" asked Forge.  
Everyone was silent for a beat.  
"That didn't work, did it?"  
"Okay," Kitty announced. "Like, now I wanna hurt him."  
"I changed my mind," Forge said to Ray. "I think I want to stay up here a while."  
Ray dropped him on the floor like a brick.  
"You did this?" Scott demanded. "You're the one responsible for everything?"  
"Everyone, please," Charles called from behind them. "We can beat him to a bloody pulp later. Right now he needs to start talking, and then start repairing the damage he's done."  
"But we can hurt 'im after that, right?" Logan wanted to know.  
"Oh yes, of course."  
"I'm glad you guys are my friends," Forge said.

The group formed a rough semicircle around Forge, who hopped up on one of his benches and swung his feet, trying not to look too nervous. "So, uh, what do you want to know?"  
"Everything," said Pietro.  
"Uh, sure." Forge coughed weakly. "But first, um... what exactly happened to you guys?"  
"What, you don't know?" Lance growled.  
"Well, no, actually. I know the bots are doing something, but I don't actually know... what."  
Kitty glared at him. "Did you put these things inside us?"  
Forge wilted. "Hey, the casserole was nice, wasn't it?"  
"Yeah," one of the Sams agreed. "We gotta get the recipe."  
"Shut the fuck up, Sparky," growled another.  
Forge pointed at the group of Sams. "Are there usually that many of him?"  
"No," said Jamie. "He's got my powers."  
At that, Forge's face lit up. "You swapped powers? That's incredible!"  
"That's awful," Scott corrected him. "You have no idea how much damage we've done to... well, pretty much everything we've come into contact with since you did this."  
"Oh, right," said Forge. "You guys break stuff. I forgot."  
"Keep talking or we'll break you," Logan threatened, and Forge managed a sickly grin.  
"Well, um... yeah, I infected you with the Nanobots. It was for an experiment."  
"You didn't tell us?" Charles inquired.  
"You guys tend to refuse to participate in my experiments, so I didn't bother telling you. There wasn't supposed to be any danger here, you weren't even supposed to know about it. This is just something that went wrong."  
"Which is why we don't participate in your experiments," Ororo pointed out.  
"Duh," agreed Forge. "Hence the problem."  
"He's makin' my head hurt," Fred complained. Tabitha patted his arm.  
"It's okay, Freddy. Let him dig his little hole. Then we'll have somewhere to bury the corpse."  
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Charles sighed. "And why, Forge, did you feel all of this was necessary?"  
Forge pointed at another workbench. "For that."  
The others looked. On the workbench were a pair of machines that, insofar as they looked like anything else, resembled microwaves with antennae.  
"What are they?" Hank asked.  
"Isn't it obvious?" said Forge. "They're popcorn makers."  
Everyone was quiet for a long moment.  
"That sounded way better in my head," Forge observed.  
"You did this for popcorn?" Kitty demanded. "Oh, that is **it**. Get out of the way, I'm gonna shove his popcorn maker right up his-"  
"No!" Forge scurried to the back of the bench he was sitting on and pressed up against the wall. "It was an accident, you don't understand!"  
"Why the hell do you need to screw up our powers to make Popcorn?" Lance growled.  
"It wasn't supposed to be like this!" Forge wailed. "I swear to God, you weren't even meant to know about it! Something just went wrong!"  
Charles shook his head. "Alright, then. What did you mean to happen here?"  
"The machine was supposed to draw a radio signal matching mutant signatures, sent in by the Nanobots," Forge explained hurriedly. "I wanted to get the signals from Boom-Boom and Magma to run the machine. Instead, all of the Nanobots started broadcasting their signals at once, and the machine couldn't read them. I tried to attach a filter to the signals, but that didn't do anything."  
"So how did we switch powers?" Jean asked. Forge shrugged.  
"Your guess is as good as mine. If I had to take a stab at it, I'd say that the filter just made all the signals bounce back to the bots, but with lousy aim... you'd have all the Nanobots in your body broadcasting your mutation to someone else, while you got the signal from another set of Nanobots."  
Hank raised an eyebrow. "In which case we technically still have our own mutations, but these Nanobots are interrupting our mutant signatures? Is that even possible?"  
"If I built it," said Forge, "probably not."  
Ororo, meanwhile, was frowning. "So you wanted to build a popcorn maker?"  
"Yep."  
"And your first choice was to power it on plasma explosions. The second choice being to power it with Pyropathy. That... doesn't seem very wise."  
"Oh, no," said Forge. "They weren't my first choice."  
Charles looked concerned. "Forge, exactly how many people did you infect with these Nanobots?"  
"Um..."

----

"Pitor! Put me down at once!"  
"Nyet, I do not think so. Not until you reveal to me where Illyana is."  
Hovering high above the floor of Asteroid M, Magneto glared down at Colossus. Who was currently using his newfound magnetic-field manipulation powers to hold him there.  
"Help me!" he roared at the other Acolytes. "Get me down from here!"  
A steel-skinned Mastermind writhed in the air next to him. "I would if I could, dammit."  
Down below, Pyro made no move to assist them. Instead he was alternating between looking at his new claws and forlornly staring at a cigarette lighter. "No fires today," he whispered sadly. "Can't do that any more. None at all."  
"This is ridiculous!" Magneto roared. "Why do I hire you people? And where are Gambit and Sabretooth?"  
"Gambit ran away when these changes occurred," Colossus informed him. "He was very excited, saying something about mind reading and bank account numbers."  
"Sabretooth?"  
"I do not know. Also, I do not care. I do, however, care about where Illyana is." Colossus glared up at him. "Now, if you please. Where is she?"

----

"...a couple?" Forge suggested weakly. Charles gave him a you're-in-it-deep look.  
"Alright, alright," Kitty said. "Forge is a jerk and we're going to hurt him badly, I get that. For the moment, can we just concentrate on getting these stupid robots out of our bodies?"

Three minutes later, Forge turned away from the table where he'd been examining a Nanobot-rich blood sample.  
"Okay, this should be easy," he announced. "All the Nanobots in your bodies are permanently set on broadcasting one signal. All we have to do is screw up that signal and they'll shut down automatically."  
"How do we do that?" Hank wanted to know.  
"The easiest way would be an exchange of Nanobot samples between those who switched powers," Forge said. "Pretty much any body fluid would do the trick."  
"Wait," said Tabitha. So you're saying that if we exhange bodily fluids with whoever's powers we stole, and with whoever stole ours, everything goes back to normal?"  
"Uh, yeah."  
Tabitha looked at Pietro and Lance. "I like this plan," she declared. "You boys wanna feel the earth move?"  
Scott blinked, then looked at Rogue and Kitty. "This could be a good idea."  
"Yeah," agreed Ray, looking at Rahne and Jean.  
"Yes," said Jean and Kitty.  
"Oh hell no," said Evan, looking at Bobby and the Professor.  
"I'm game," Kurt announced.  
Rogue looked speculatively at Scott and Rahne. "I'll try anything once."  
"Fuck off," declared one of the Sams, crossing his arms over his chest. "The first person who suggests I have sex with Jamie and the Professor, I'm gonna kill."  
"And I'll laugh while I do it," added another Sam.  
Pietro nodded. "I gotta agree with Farmboy here. No offence, Freddy, but when something's as big as you are and moving as fast as you can, that's something that mankind was never meant to bone."  
The Professor cleared his throat. "Forge, perhaps you can think of a better solution?"  
Forge flushed. "Well, I never suggested anything like that. I was just talking a blood transfusion or something, that's all."  
"And how about simply turning the Nanobots off?"  
He blinked. "Well... I suppose that would work, but..."  
"But what?"  
"But the popcorn machine was a present!"  
Charles raised an eyebrow. "For whom?"  
"Einstein. He likes popcorn."  
Hank blinked. "Einstein?"  
"My hamster," Forge explained. "He's over there."  
Everyone looked across the room. From inside his cage, Einstein wiggled his nose at them and scuttled into his soup can.  
"It's his birthday," Forge explained.  
"Oh, screw this," Kitty growled. In three steps she strode up to Forge and grabbed him by the throat.

"Listen," she ordered. "You're gonna turn these Nanobots off, right now. And if you don't, I'm gonna sic Logan onto you. Got it?"  
Forge blinked at her. "Whose powers does he have right now?"  
"Mine."  
"That makes him... less scary than usual."  
"You don't get it," Kitty informed him. "All he has to do now is sneeze and his clothes fall right through his body. I swear to God I'll leave you in here with him if you don't turn these things off."  
Forge looked at Kitty.  
Kitty looked at Logan.  
Forge looked at Logan.  
Logan looked at Forge.  
Fred picked his nose.  
Forge looked at Kitty.  
"Right," said Forge. "I'll just turn those off, then, shall I?"  
Smiling dangerously, Kitty released him. "Good idea."  
"This means there's no sex, doesn't it?" Tabitha wanted to know.  
"Yup," Lance agreed.  
"Damn," muttered Rahne.

----

(4) Calvin and Hobbes reference to an event that is never explained in detail or in brief, and about which nothing is known, save that it was unpleasant and apparently involving noodles of some sort. Absolute classic reference.


	9. Chapter 9

Two days later, Forge answered another knock on his workroom door to find a half-dozen mutants waiting for him.  
"Hi there," said Lance.  
"Can we come in?" Scott asked.  
"Thanks," said Jean.  
Forge got out of the way.

"Is this about the beating?" Forge demanded as the group entered his workroom. "It's about the beating, isn't it? You said it was coming. Are you gonna beat me up?"  
Pietro slung a brotherly arm around his neck. "Forge, my man. Let bygones be bygones! We're not here to hurt ya. We're here to help ya."  
"How?" Forge wanted to know.  
"Here." Kitty held out a large gift-wrapped box. "It's for Einstein."  
Blinking, Forge set the package on a bench and ripped it open to reveal a solar-powered hotplate.  
"You can even make popcorn on it," Jean informed him. "Problem solved."  
"Uh..." Forge blinked. "Thanks."  
"You're welcome," Tabitha said cheerfully.  
"So we're good, right?" Forge said carefully. "You're not gonna keep threatening me because of the whole Nanobots thing?"  
Scott waved a hand. "Oh, pshaw. We already forgot about it."  
"In fact," Lance agreed, "we even got you another gift."  
"Oh?"  
Lance handed Forge a large sheaf of paper. Forge looked down at it.  
"What's this?"  
"A contract," Kitty explained. "You're gonna sign it."  
"This is a pretty big contract," he observed.  
"It's also part list," Pietro told him.  
"List of what?"  
"Things we're going to do to you if you ever experiment on us again without getting our permission."  
Forge went pale.  
"Check out page twenty-seven," Jean advised. "I wrote the entire page myself."  
"So," Kitty explained cheerfully. "You sign the contract, and all this unpleasantness will never happen again. Okay?"  
Forge stared at them.  
Tabitha slung an arm around Forge's other shoulder. A plasma bomb appeared in her free hand.  
"Forge," she said. "Baby. Honey. Darling. Sign the contract."  
The bomb got larger.  
"You'll regret it a lot more if you don't," Jean informed him.  
The bomb got even larger. Forge swallowed.  
Put the contract down on the bench.

And signed it.

-**FIN**-


End file.
